3/14/13
Cinnabuns and jasmine waft in a breeze that ruffles your shirt as your arms pick up the next draft of air. A lazy grin spreads across your face as the flight over dreamland continues beneath you. The Swedish bikini team is waving up at you from the beach-landing site. Bank left with your outstretched arms to begin the descent from the heavens to a haven. As you near the sandy platform of promise some thing feels wrong. Your eyes become dry, try as you might to blink for moisture it does not work. Lick your lips but your tongue is now sandpaper. You can’t breath.
Wake up. Your ungrateful body needs stupid water. It’s pitch black so the light needs to turn on before your hand can find your cup. Finally the H2O reaches your lips and you are quenched and ready for dreaming. Slowly but surely the veil of your mind opens again to what dreams may come. The Swedish bikini team is gone, so is your ability to fly. You’ve rerouted to some Inception disaster scenario with guns and dream terrorists. Thanks for nothing Leonardo DumbCrapio.
If it weren’t for the water debacle you’d be in hedonistic paradise. This very scenario has happened to me too many times, that is, until I joined the Hamster Initiative.
During my time at Gonzaga I met a variety of different folk, but none quite as strangely innovative as Kevin. He had the intellectual ability of an inventor bent on functionality but it was oddly driven by a thirst for comfort that typically only felines possess. His specialty was building forts but his crowning achievement was the Hamster Initiative.
It’s simple, yet quenchingly effective. Hammer a small nail 3+ feet above your bed, then attach your CamelBak to the nail. Congratulations, you just improved your well being by 3,000%.
The days of sitting up to rehydrate are over. Aching from your bed during the worst hangover of your life (again) can be made bearable by using the Hamster Initiative. No need to get out of bed for water, salvation is hanging above your sleepy head.
The time has come to follow us into the future by nibbling your hydration from the sky and never looking back.
