11/14/14
Note: I wrote this in late October during the height of the Ebola frenzy, happy to report that Obama has shown some great backchanneling with China since this rant.
It’s painful to read the headlines from Beijing during their worst days of smog. EBOLA RIDDEN DOCTOR TERRORIZES THE HEALTHY AMERICANS OF MAHATTAN while day after day, Beijingers are hacking up lungs so their country can be a forerunner in the economic race. Granted this is better than an arms race, its detriments are more subtle.
On a day to day basis, we are overwhelmed with 10-second stories. Three sentences, maybe a headline, definitely a picture, and if you’re lucky there’s a video with some dude weathering a football to the groin. These are awesome. The power to distribute stories and attract a massive audience is arguably the biggest benefit of technology to date. As the audience you have infinite choices for where to gift 10 precious seconds of your day. Ask yourself this, when was the last time you read at least two paragraphs of a climate change article?
It’s not sexy, not funny, and least of all entertaining. Easy to forget, and frankly—way more fun to ignore.
What happened to the tearful Native American? We’ve come a long way since that pivotal commercial, the green wave that turned out Priuses and domestic solar panels has lost momentum. I blame the simplistic and undeniably attractive hip style that came with this movement, looking green is now just as good as being green—but that’s another story.
The topic at hand is easily forgotten, that’s the core of it. The quality of life for our great grandchildren’s grandchildren will never be at the forefront of our mind, but maybe Kim Kardashian’s left butt cheek is. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the marketing game, it’s that sex sells and people like free stuff. Let’s use that:
Channing Tatum is Captain Planet – and he’s in the new Avengers flick wearing hemp and recycling his way to victory.
Scarlett Johansen is Mother Earth – talk to any astronaut our planet is a straight up knockout. If she went to the club, she’d never have to buy a drink. Maybe someone leaked nude photos of Gaia’s sweet bod, you’d think twice about littering.
Worldwide agreement is worldwide holiday – every country agrees to an economic forfeiting of high pollution mass production. When that agreement goes through, the entire world gets a permanent holiday for the books. Like a worldwide labor day. At little cost, and hey, we could all use a day off.
All car prizes are Teslas – at halftime shows and sweepstakes, all the giveaway cars are electric. This is the easiest win we have at our fingertips. Let’s grow the foundation in every way possible.
Legalize it – not just for a mellow like Washington and Colorado (now Oregon too). Powers beyond our control in the past curbed a giant industry from growing in the past, let’s reinvent the future and get some serious bang from this cash crop. The only downside is that we might forget…our keys. Damn it I know they’re here somewhere.
Hemp money builds solar roads – well that was a gimme.
Frank Underwood for Green Party – this is the key. We need a murderous viper at the head of state who hugs cedars in his spare time (thanks Obama). He votes like Nader, talks like Kennedy, and operates like Kevin Spacey on Netflix—but for Mama Earth.
If all of the above comes to fruition, there’s no guarantee that 10 generations from now the world will be a better place. But there is a guarantee that if we continue with business as usual 10 generations from now, it won’t just look like this on a sunny day 40 miles out of Beijing.
Looks like the 2014 UN Climate Summit took my advice, albeit Leo is no Tatum.