4/20/12
The mustache has grown in both timely and sizably. I was a-flutter with anticipation all the while it grew, almost begging customers to pry into my affairs. But as much as I wanted to be questioned about my goings ons, my upper lip had other plans as it grew with amazing disregard to time and the laws of facial hair. With the stache firmly planted on my lip, my hip index increased ten-fold and I became too hip for the likes of the Bay Area. Eventually it dawned on me that I needed to find a hipper enclave. My moustache seeks the support and approval of worthwhile hipsters so I’ve decided to move to ground zero for hip, Portland. Our little-known Oregonian metropolis is a well-known hotbed for hipsters. This type of person can range anywhere from cute girls wearing a beanies on a hot day to nerds riding fixies while “sporting” skinny jeans on the way to the farmer’s market for more kale. And what lies stylishly in the middle of such hip extremes? Having a mustache while under the age of 40. Unbeknownst to me when I first set forth to give birth to the lil ginger strip ‘o’ hair, it turns out that such a debonair fashion statement is literally too cool and hip to survive in Marin or San Francisco (basically the new Fresno). That is why it is with a warm upper lip that I will migrate northwards.
There is no one job waiting for me in Portland so I will continue fishing this year, however, there was an offer to work at the holistic gynecology clinic above the coffee shop I worked at…after little consideration I declined. I’ve kept Mill Valley caffeinated for too long, the froofs of downtown can make their own non-fat decaf whatevers. It is nearly time to get on the boat again and not only catch some salmon, but smell hauntingly similar to them. Luckily there’s a bit of a gap between throwing in my barista apron and hopping on the Middleton so I will use that time to go Kerouacing. Destinations: Portland, Seattle, Spokane, Sun Valley and everything in between. If you are keenly located within that spectrum, don’t be a stranger, be a friend.
If this email seems the least bit unfriendly then please be reminded that sarcasm is a form of humor and I wish the “hipsters” of the great Bay Area all the best.
Until next time!
I have to entertain myself somehow.